note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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