I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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