I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
