You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
