omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
