i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
