420 ftw
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
