you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
