i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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