Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
