dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
