Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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