After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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