I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They took my balls.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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