We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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