I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
