fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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