'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
