i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
