Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
