nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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