My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
