Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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