I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
