i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
