i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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