I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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