i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
