I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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