I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pants are for mortals
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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