Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
