tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You are the jesus of drinking
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
