I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
