i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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