and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
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