I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
