If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
