Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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