White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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