mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We left the knife in your bed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
