and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
