I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize