she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
