so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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