If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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