gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Terrible idea I love it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
