I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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