Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This baby is an asshole
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
