is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
