Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
