I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
