Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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