Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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