I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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