Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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