so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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