Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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