Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
