And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Found the puke drawer
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i out mim tonsoeep
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