My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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