I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
