When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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