I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
