ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
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Vodka?
Forever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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