thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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