i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
