Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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