In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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