I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
