Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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