Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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