just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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