His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
