i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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