I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
