i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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