yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
