its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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