I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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