this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize