I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sponge bath it is.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
