I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i barfeds in our rink
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
