nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
