I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
