Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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