the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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