if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
