3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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